A Lamp, A Lifeboat, A Ladder

“Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal. -Jalal ad-Din Rumi

I had coffee today with a dear friend and was reminded that in all of life’s struggles there is hope. This hope reminded me I wish I was writing every day. Writing is my passion. Still, I am flooded by life’s busy agendas (most of which are self-inflicted) and I race through the day trying to keep up with my kids, husband, extended family, events, appointments and so on. Life accelerates. I am no different than the rest. But, then sometimes I look at my children and think, how many more days do I have with you? I don’t want my days blurred. I want to be a lamp or lifeboat or ladder.

Jordan set up the game “Chutes and Ladders” last night and when I asked him who he was going to play with he pointed up and said, “Daddy.” He then preceded to play the game, which appeared to me like he was playing alone. In between moves with himself back and forth I would hear snippets of conversation, “Good move, Daddy…Way to go!…It’s okay, try again.” Was my son giving himself the encouragement he longs for from his dad? How did he come up with this idea; strategy for coping with grief? After the game he seemed so satisfied. I asked him who won. He said, “We tied.”

All I could think is how many more days do I have with you, Jordan? How many more days do I have to read to you, watch you play, eat meals together, and tuck you in at night? How many more days do I have to offer you my best? I want to be your lamp or lifeboat or ladder. I know our souls will heal.

 

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3 Responses to A Lamp, A Lifeboat, A Ladder

  1. Stephanie says:

    Beautiful. I lost my husband 14 months ago…I too am an obsessive writer, and try and cram it in between all of life’s other chores…but this post is a reminder to continue, so I may someday also be a lamp, lifeboat or ladder. Thank you, and blessings.

  2. Beth says:

    So beautiful…..I want to be that for my three too. I want to help their souls heal. Some days I feel so weary myself that I know I fail to help them. I am going to try to be more intentional. I am going to try to be a lamp or lifeboat or ladder. You have really made me think today…..thanks for writing. My 9 year old told me the other day that she hugs her pillow and imagines that it is her Daddy. He who abruptly left her life when she was six. We all miss him.

  3. Peggy says:

    Reminds me of an afternoon with Gavin (10 years old). I gave him a race track for Christmas and the two race cars belong to him and Daddy (who passed away May 19, 2013). He gave Daddy the fastest car because he needed to “chase the bad guys.” Gavin doesn’t mind losing to his Daddy’s car. I offered to buy another car so that it would be an even race, but he said “no Gramma, I like it this way.” I think that’s his way of dealing/coping with his missing his Daddy also.

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