Birthday Boy

Jordan is two years old today.  He is no longer my baby.  He is my little boy; my spunky, inquisitive, polite, curious, happy-spirited, loving, energetic little boy.  I loved spending my day with him.  I missed spending our day with Shawn.  If wishes were fishes…this is what Shawn used to say to me.  If wishes were fishes, we’d be well fed. 

I wish beyond all wishes that Shawn could have appeared.   I wish that I could have glanced at him across the chocolate birthday cake and smiled knowingly when Jordan sang, “Happy Burrrrday to Jordan!”  I wish we could have laughed together when Jordan blew out his candles with all the energy and passion a two year old possesses, huffing and puffing to blow the candles out.  Pleading afterwards to “do it again, mommy, do it again!” 

I wish Shawn would have been here to set up the toy drum set that I bought Jordan.  I wish he would have been here to show Jordan how to play his drums inspired by the Jamaican rhythm that runs through their blood.  I wish Shawn would have been here to kiss me goodnight.  A kiss that would have said we created him – along with little Madelynn, this marvelous little boy is the best thing we ever made!

I have many wishes today.  And I realize that wishes are not fishes, because I do not feel well fed.  I feel very, very hungry; wishing for something that would fill us up.

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