Jordan is two years old today. He is no longer my baby. He is my little boy; my spunky, inquisitive, polite, curious, happy-spirited, loving, energetic little boy. I loved spending my day with him. I missed spending our day with Shawn. If wishes were fishes…this is what Shawn used to say to me. If wishes were fishes, we’d be well fed.
I wish beyond all wishes that Shawn could have appeared. I wish that I could have glanced at him across the chocolate birthday cake and smiled knowingly when Jordan sang, “Happy Burrrrday to Jordan!” I wish we could have laughed together when Jordan blew out his candles with all the energy and passion a two year old possesses, huffing and puffing to blow the candles out. Pleading afterwards to “do it again, mommy, do it again!”
I wish Shawn would have been here to set up the toy drum set that I bought Jordan. I wish he would have been here to show Jordan how to play his drums inspired by the Jamaican rhythm that runs through their blood. I wish Shawn would have been here to kiss me goodnight. A kiss that would have said we created him – along with little Madelynn, this marvelous little boy is the best thing we ever made!
I have many wishes today. And I realize that wishes are not fishes, because I do not feel well fed. I feel very, very hungry; wishing for something that would fill us up.