Our conversation continued today. In fact, Shawn dying feels like one long, never-ending conversation. The discussion picks up in the middle of wherever we left off, in-between making pancakes for breakfast or folding laundry or during bath time.
We made waffles for breakfast today and while licking the batter off his fingers, Jordan said, "I always thought that the bad guy was in a suit."
"A suit?" I asked, confused at what he was trying to tell me.
"Yeah, you know," he explained, "like you put on for Halloween." He hopped off his bar-stool, asking to be excused to go to the bathroom.
Villain I thought. Since the day my child could begin visualizing the story of his dad's death, he has envisioned the bad guy to be a villain, like The Joker from Batman. It makes sense–the bad guys always wear a suit.
I read a study once about spending quality time and amounts of quantity of time with kids. It said that we never know when quality time will pop out of quantity of time. We never know when our children will tell us something that matters to them, something important to pay attention to in the midst of a mundane activity simply because they trust being with us.
I never know when my kids will bring up their dad. I could have never guessed our new topic would be about "The Bad Guy." And I never imagined that these conversations would appear while spreading butter and syrup on an airy waffle that we designed to look like Mickey Mouse. Thank God for a can Reddi-wip to sweeten up the morning.
Mostly, I thank God today that my kids feel free to talk to me.