This month Jordan has lived more days without Shawn than with him.  He was twenty months old when Shawn died and now his age has doubled.  I don’t like doing this kind of math; yet find myself backtracking on the calendar adding up what never will make sense to me. 

Jordan told me today he and Madelynn were pretending to be kitties.  He further explained they were looking for their daddy kitty.  Everyday his heart searches.  I wish I could fill it up.

In bed last night he asked me crying, “I want daddy.  I just want to go to heaven.  I want to be in heaven, mom.”  His expressions run deeper than I know how to reach. 

Counting.  I am counting our days.  Backwards.  Forwards.  Making each one count until we are together again. 

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