I need a place to write about my children. They are growing quickly and I have this fear of missing out on what I am witnessing if I don’t consciously pay attention. Ever since September 6th, the days have begun to blur and I grieve not only the loss of my husband, but the loss of my preconceived dream of family.
It is difficult, ok not the right word…it is intricately complex, to not feel the same energy or excitement in child-rearing as I knew before the accident. Even before the accident, child-raising was not always exciting or energy-filled! Now I find that each area of my life, including my children, is intensified.
I miss sharing each new milestone and each new high point of our days with Shawn. As a parent, there is much rejoicing when you see the rewards of your daily labor. I want to share these joys with Shawn, who as their father, always expressed and shared the same wonderment and pride as their mother. I can share with my friends the excitement of Jordan putting on his own socks or Madelynn rolling over, but no one will be as in tune to this progress as the parents.
This is why I need to write. I don’t want to look back in a year or two or five and say, “I missed you, Jordan…I don’t remember the highlights, Maddi”. I expect more from myself and for my children. I believe that even in the midst of severe pain, I am blessed with the daily joys of my kids. I see the good in them. They are the good part of my tragic story. I will write for them so that we can all remember one day the glimpses of hope we gave each other.