The worst feeling is to feel unmotivated. It drains one from all focus of anything worthwhile in life. It is more severe than a lack of enthusiasm. It is worse. It is the lack of interest. I am not talking about being lazy or idle or taking a break. Instead, this state of lacked motivation is more in line with a type of depression, despair, doubt and dejection. I have felt the onset of this kind of misery for over a week. It has encompassed me. It reaches further than the point of being overwhelmed, because it crawls into the crevices of my thoughts that utter, “I don’t care.”
And then in an evening it can all be erased. One friend. One visit. And I feel completely different. She listened to me. She validated me. She took care of me. She helped me with what I asked. How do I know her visit helped? Because I feel like writing again. The one thing that makes me feel better in this whole complicated life-after-death position is to write and last week even writing seemed disengaging in my unmotivated condition. But, tonight when my friend left, I felt much better; good enough to find the energy to write about it.
It was only a few days ago that I was quietly questioning, “God, Where are you in this?” Now I am sitting by my computer thinking, “God came near tonight. God visited through the actions of my friend.”
Thank you, God, for friends. It sounds so simple, almost trite. It sounds too easy to be profound, yet it is profoundly true. Thank you, God, for friends.