God never wastes a hurt! –Rick Warren
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” (2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT)
My cousin called last night to talk. Her mom died this past February and we shared back and forth the depth of grief, both agreeing we wished we didn’t know such heavy loss at such young ages.
She commented, “I feel so much older now.”
I knew exactly what she meant.
She continued to ask me questions that I knew she didn’t expect me to answer.
“I can’t see my future,” she told me. “What comes next? I can’t even see tomorrow.”
Her comments were thought-provoking. How true it was for me as well. I can not see my future. And that is frightening in a way. Living in the moment is my only guarantee. But, how vastly different is this method of living from what I was accustomed. I am a planner. I am an organizer. I am a forward-thinker. I am a goal-setter. I like to know where I am going. To live in the now, changes me. It changes who I thought I was.
Honestly, I couldn’t see my future when Shawn was alive, either. Still, someone knowing I walked into the future with him, made the whole idea of tomorrow more secure. As long as I was with him, I didn’t fear the plans I was making. Any plan with him seemed good.
But, now I know what my cousin is talking about. I can’t see tomorrow. And for the first time in my life I am being asked to truly trust what I can’t see.