Last night I reflected on what it would be like to one day hear God say to me (hopefully say to me) “Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!” (Matthew 25:23)
First, I hoped I could classify myself as faithful. So often I feel unfaithful; full of doubts and dissatisfied with a life that travels this road of loss. Then I wondered if I perhaps am confusing faithful with perfect. God calls me to be faithful (follow him) not perfect (never questioning; always happy).
Next I wondered if losing my husband is a small amount of handling what God has entrusted to me. It feels so big. It feels like too much on most days. Honestly, it feels like a lot to carry every day. I handle some days better than others.
Then I imagined a day when God would give me more responsibility…many more missions…based on my earthy response to his calling. And that was the most encouraging piece of my night. The imagination of heaven and what it will be like, what we will do there, how it is beyond anything we could ever conceive…is like soothing balm to an open wound. It is a promise for reward. Not in the usual definition of compensation, more so in a sense of an extra gift…a small whisper that tells me what I am doing is worthwhile.