I forgot about culture shock; the entering into a foreign country and learning ways that are so different from our own, to the point where the body feels numb, unsettled… shocked. I think after Shawn died, my body went into culture shock. I entered new territory without my consent and ever since I have been learning rules so different than I ever knew before.
There is the rule of being alone. The rule of not being able to split our meals anymore at a restaurant. The rule of not sleeping together in the same bed or any other bed for that matter. There is the rule of sleepless nights where without trying the clock suddenly blinks 2:00 am. There is the nagging rule that nothing can be the way it once was and the relentless rule that brags about how life has forever changed. And above all else, I am beginning to learn that there is a rule of no return. This rule, which has been long established in terms of the grieving world, is the hardest one to adapt to.