Last night I dreamt about him. It was the best kind of dreams. He kissed me and happily told me I looked good and in-shape. He said he could tell I have been working out. I have been waiting for that compliment.
I miss every physical piece to our relationship. God, would you ever bless me with that again? God, please bless me with that again.
Recently someone asked me if I could name the phases of my grief. I told her that some days I feel like I have gone through a 10-step healing plan and still feel bad. Most days I feel like there aren’t any steps at all. And then on nights like last night when I can actually see him in my dreams, I wake up mystified needing a reorientation to my actual life. I don’t think that is a step. I think that would be another cycle. At times it feels more like a spiral.