10-Step Plan

Last night I dreamt about him.  It was the best kind of dreams.  He kissed me and happily told me I looked good and in-shape.  He said he could tell I have been working out.  I have been waiting for that compliment. 

I miss every physical piece to our relationship.  God, would you ever bless me with that again?  God, please bless me with that again.

Recently someone asked me if I could name the phases of my grief.  I told her that some days I feel like I have gone through a 10-step healing plan and still feel bad.  Most days I feel like there aren’t any steps at all.  And then on nights like last night when I can actually see him in my dreams, I wake up mystified needing a reorientation to my actual life.  I don’t think that is a step.  I think that would be another cycle.  At times it feels more like a spiral.    

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