I think it is somewhere around the two year mark of grief that one wakes up and believes they are strong. -J. Silvera
I have been told I am strong since Shawn died. I have had the bible quoted to me several times as an encouragement that God would not give me more than I can handle. And I am able to do 42 push-ups in one setting as part of my workout routine. Yet, none of these measurements necessarily make me believe I am strong. It is hard to take a compliment when you yourself don’t believe it.
I remember meeting a wonderful new friend after Shawn died, a widow who had lost her husband almost two years prior. One of the first things she asked me was, "Don’t you feel strong?" I did. Still it was hard for me to actually define myself that way.
Last night when I put my kids to bed, looked around my quiet house and saw it in working order, and contemplated what I have been through, where I have been and how far I have come…for the first time I held a small piece of belief. I let myself take my own compliment. I told myself – you are strong.
Interesting how it has taken nearly two years to take hold of a new belief system; one that says, "You are a new person. And that new person has strong things to offer."