There is a part of you that just dies.  And it doesn’t come back.  I borrowed other people’s emotions.   I’d lost everything.  My family, my faith, my hope.  And when that happens, you have to borrow from people who have intact emotions till yours begin to return.  My life was a void – so I moved into the void. Sarah Goodrich; Mother of Peter Goodrich killed on 9/11 hijacked plane

I feel like I have been borrowing for awhile.  Borrowing other people’s time, other people’s resources, other people’s knowledge, other people’s smiles, other people’s strength.  This past week my basement flooded due to a sump pump malfunction.  I don’t feel like I know near enough about home maintenance that I should.  I don’t know anything about sump pumps nor do I really have a great interest in that topic.  I do know enough to know that drenching wet carpet is not a good thing.  Therefore, I am working hard to solve the situation at hand.  Again, I rely on many people to help me make things better.  And on nights like tonight, I feel I am borrowing other people’s sanity. 

I lost everything when he died – including myself.  It is time to find her again.  It is time to come out from underneath this heavy pain.  It is time to own my own emotions.  It is okay to borrow sometimes, but not all of the time.  It is important that I distinguish my healing to be my own – not something I do to please others or gain acceptance.  No.  Healing needs to be mine.  It needs to be mine so that I know it is real and something I don’t have to give back.  If it is truly mine, I can move in and live there.

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