By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on
-Taken from the song “Clarity” by John Mayer
There are occasions when I wish away time. Breaking up toddler fights for the fifteenth time in a given day is something I often wish away. Mundane household tasks almost always provoke a desire to disappear. Confusing conversations, awkward relationships and challenging situations carry with them a yearning to escape.
Then I dreamt of death last night and instead of wishing away I was begging for time to stay and linger and stand still. I was struggling with my memory to recall the last encounter, the last words, the last moments, the last time. I wanted everything to be relived including the mundane and ordinary. Nothing was too trivial to let go of.
Wait. I wanted time to wait. Let me settle into time and dwell in its space. This is the location of here and now. Let me inhabit the life I own with time as its gatekeeper. For one day these days will come to an end. And when it is finished, I will no longer wish away. I will want it to all come back.