Come Back

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on

-Taken from the song “Clarity” by John Mayer

There are occasions when I wish away time.  Breaking up toddler fights for the fifteenth time in a given day is something I often wish away.  Mundane household tasks almost always provoke a desire to disappear.  Confusing conversations, awkward relationships and challenging situations carry with them a yearning to escape.

Then I dreamt of death last night and instead of wishing away I was begging for time to stay and linger and stand still.  I was struggling with my memory to recall the last encounter, the last words, the last moments, the last time.  I wanted everything to be relived including the mundane and ordinary.  Nothing was too trivial to let go of. 

Wait.  I wanted time to wait.  Let me settle into time and dwell in its space.  This is the location of here and now.  Let me inhabit the life I own with time as its gatekeeper.  For one day these days will come to an end.  And when it is finished, I will no longer wish away.  I will want it to all come back.   

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