I saw your comment posted a couple of days ago.
I can't find your email to respond personally, so I will write for the whole world to see:
You need to know that what happened to you isn't fair. There is no explanation to why you lost your best friend at such a young age. There will never be a good enough answer to all the "whys" that envelop your thoughts. Why must your kids live without their father? Why must you do this all alone? None of it, and I mean none of it, makes sense.
You also need to know that my faith wavers daily. I trust God, but I don't always agree with him. I don't understand this world and its ways. Truly, what keeps me going is hope. I heard someone once ask, "What is life without hope?" Dismal would be the answer.
I am praying for you today that God gives you one small sign of hope. I pray that in someway, somehow he touches your heart. Because here is what I believe above all else, God grieves with you. He is also saying, "This isn't fair." And though we'd like Him to change it all, the results of an imperfect world will never be fair, will never answer all of our questions, will never fulfill us completely.
Life is not about being strong enough. Faith is not about being strong enough. Life and faith are about hoping enough. And I am sending you every ounce of hope that I have today.