I can not seem to wrap my brain around this.  I am not doing well.  I do not feel like I am surviving.  Life as I knew it has ended.  Now I am waiting for life to really end. 

There is little left that I have to give.  Today I felt as though I was suffocating.  It was a bad, low, all-consuming, overpowering type of day.  The panic started to set in. This is darkness.  This is too much for me.  Shawn died instantly, I am dying slowly.  This is such a desperate state. 

Where do I go to find salvation from this fierce strangulation?  My lifeline has disappeared.  He didn’t want to leave me.  He was taken.  I didn’t realize until now that we breathed the same air.  Now that he is gone, I feel like a scuba diver running out of oxygen spiraling close to empty.  I am breathing in extremely less than what I normally require.

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