Why is it that when I am experiencing such a severe loss in my life, I am also experiencing significant gain?  Until now, I was not able to accurately identify with what Paul writes about in Philippians 1:21, saying that “to die is gain”.  What does that mean?  It doesn’t make sense to my human mind.  How can dying be beneficial?  How can dying be constructive or advantageous?  How can separation be a saving grace? 

Now, I believe Paul was referring to the reward of heaven and the favorable glory of being united with God.  I also believe that this is the incredible gain that Shawn has attained through his passing.  Herein lies my dichotomy; I, in his absence, am receiving remarkable blessings.  I, in his absence, am finding sweet favor with those who loved him.  I, in his absence, am being presented with notable award and honor for his sacrifice.  And I, in his absence, am growing intensely, whether I wish to or not. 

Why can’t I have one without the other?  Why can’t there be joy without pain?  Why must I walk this earthly journey without Shawn?  I am trying to take the best from this.  But, it is hard for me to take the best of something that I never wanted.  Opposites attract.  God will make good from bad.  To die is gain.

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