I have dreamt about Shawn four nights in a row. The dreams seem to come in segments. He won’t appear for what feels like months and then unexpectedly, yet always pleasantly, he reenters my nighttime vision for a few days at a time.
In these dream state visits, he seems intensely real and I can vividly see himas if he were still alive. I am usually craving more time with him and begging him to stay. He is often in a peaceful, relaxed position. He always finds me, but never anxious or worried. I wonder if this is what heaven will be like; never a time of fear or anxiety, rather a calm and reassured reunion.
My dreams confuse me when I wake. I have to concentrate on where I am and why he is not here beside me. It is strange to experience these momentary lapses of memory where I need to focus on remembering exactly what happened to Shawn and consciously remind myself of our story in order to step back into my new life regardless of what my heart desires.
These dreams are the closest I have been to him since he died. I hope I dream tonight for a fifth time in a row.