Why is it so hard to be myself?  Why is it so hard to set limits?  I try to please everyone and am left with nothing at the end of the day.  “Nothing” doesn’t allow for much to give.  An empty shell is not what I want to offer my children.  An empty shell is not who I want to be for myself. 

At a memorial service last weekend for Shawn, the speaker who had lost her husband in the line of duty over ten years ago, gave Webster’s dictionary definition of the word “survivor” to be “one who remains living.”  She then continued with her redefined meaning of a survivor as “one who comes alive.”  I grasped onto her description.  This is what I want.  I want to come alive.  There is more to life than simply existing.  This was evident in my husband’s life and there is a legacy of living that I wish to carry in his honor.  Empty is my antonym for living.

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