Where am I? I am not with the living and I am not with the dead. I never knew there was an in-between place of existence. It is not a place where one would ever wish to go.
Tonight I finished the book “The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion. I felt at many times, while reading her story, that I was actually reviewing my own private journal. I found myself connecting with many of her reflections. This evening I am linked to her idea of invisibility. She profoundly writes, “I myself felt invisible for a period of time, incorporeal. I seemed to have crossed one of those legendary rivers that divide the living from the dead.”
I feel myself slipping. It is a gradual type of fall; unlike slipping on a sheet of ice, yet comparable in that I brace myself, hoping to catch myself before I hit the bottom. I struggle to remain in the land of the living. It takes all of my energy, resolution and numerous attempts to get up, start the day, locate a purpose and find the good.