Today I fixed my kitchen cupboard. I needed to take the door off of the cupboard
to fit an organizing shelf inside. This
is not my territory. It is so far from
my territory that I think I have been waiting for Shawn to come back and fix it
for me even knowing that this ridiculous notion would be a lifelong wait. Yet, today, in a moment of brief inspiration,
I attempted to fix it myself. I
felt Shawn in my mind nudging me and encouraging me to at least try. I felt him say, “You can do this.” And I thought to myself, “You must be brighter
than a kitchen cabinet door, Jennifer. Don’t let this intimidate you.” It wasn’t a “bravo, hurray-for-you-way-to-go-Jen” type experience. It was more like; “life is not supposed to be
this way, but, this is how life is” kind of incident. The good news is I fixed it. Then I heard Shawn in my mind reassuring me
that I had done well.
I am puzzled tonight by God. I am puzzled often, but try not to concentrate on my questions. I am curious by why joy has to be
taken away. I look at my children, who
describe the word joy and grieve repeatedly that their dad will not walk this
joy on earth with us. I am not saying that
the joy of heaven isn’t beyond comparison. I am just being selfishly human. I want Shawn to be a part of our joy. I am confused tonight by life and kitchen cabinet doors and things that
go right and things that go wrong.