I loved him beyond compare. I loved him without always knowing how or why or how much. I loved him because he intensely loved me. How can I possibly measure his love? How do you truly measure love? How do you quantify the depth of love? How do you gauge the width of love? How do you determine the height of love? Can love be estimated, calculated, totaled, or appraised?
What is the authentic value of love? Where do I place my values? If I set a price on love, will I then be convinced of its worth? When do I daily start to appreciate my treasure?
Maybe there is some console in the idea that my life with Shawn was lived beyond measure. There is nothing greater in my life than what I knew with him and what he shared with me. This is the part of the equation where the summations of all the variables equal more than the estimation allows. No matter if I add or subtract or multiply or divide, I miss Shawn. I have a very difficult time imagining my life without him. It doesn’t compute. I try to recalculate and only come up with errors. Lonely equals me minus him.