Nothing to Wonder About

A few nights before Shawn died he offered me a lesson in priorities. 

He had just arrived home at 1:00 AM after his evening shift at work.  I had waited up for him.  He raced upstairs, snuck me a kiss, threw his watch and wallet in the bedroom, grabbed something hot to drink and headed towards our computer room to work on one of his many ongoing projects. 

Feeling sorry for myself, I complained about how he didn’t want to spend any time with me.  He corrected my nonsense as he hurried downstairs.  I decided to go to bed.  Within five minutes of our interaction, Shawn was crawling in bed beside me.  I asked curiously what he was doing.  He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, “Jennifer, you are my priority.  And I don’t want you up here wondering about that.  I don’t want you up here wondering if you are my priority; because you are.  There is nothing to wonder about.” 

This is what I am thinking about at the start of my new year.  I learned from and lived with and was loved by a man convinced and driven by his beliefs.  He made his priorities clear.  I have much to examine within myself. 

I resolve to review my priorities, though they seem vague without Shawn.  I resolve to put my priorities in some type of order, although value now takes on new meaning.  I resolve to act daily in relation to my chosen priority, as a way to honor my husband’s life.  I resolve to not make excuses.

I resolve to let those around me know what is important to me.  Therefore, they will not need to wonder.  There will be nothing to wonder about.

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