I wanted a perfect life. I lived wanting a perfect life. I wanted everything to be perfect. I was strangulating myself with expectations that couldn’t be met and goals that couldn’t be reached and ideas that were unrealistic. I was caught up in appearance, exhausted by my trials of creating an ideal home, and challenged by my own dreams of raising the flawless family.
If I were to die tomorrow, would I be ready? This is my new thought process. Forget perfection. Would I be ready? What am I doing today to get ready? Perfection can’t save me. My husband taught me to look death in the face and ask the hard questions. Would I be ready? Perfection can’t answer this train of thought.
Live like today was your last. This is a common message. One I had heard when Shawn was alive. But, what does that mean? Do we understand what that means? Truly understand?
I now have a glimpse, a keen understanding, a brand new sense of what authentic living involves. Our real existence does not revolve around the perfect floor plan. Real living can not be arranged by our inspired design. We are not in control. Life is not perfect. Obviously, we have choices and are able to influence the life we are meant to live. But, we do not have command over death.
People have told me since Shawn’s passing that they are relieved that their husbands are not police officers or that their children are not choosing a career in law enforcement. Never out loud, always privately; silently… I have questioned, “Why? Why? Are you immune to death? Will death not visit your door?”
We each have a day and time set aside when we will dance with death whether we want to or not. Call it a rendezvous. Call it what you may, but there is no escaping this definite date. I now understand what it means to live like it was your last. Our hearts need to be prepared regardless of profession, status, riches or relationships.
Now I see perfection differently; something unobtainable on this earth and completely fulfilled when our time is called to meet God. I am starting to live wanting a content life, setting perfection aside for another time and place.
