We had lunch yesterday at the Lino Lakes Police Department. My kids and I enjoyed our time at a place that feels like a second home. We ate Carrot-cake Birthday cake. I wonder if the department knew this was Shawn’s favorite. Maddi loved all the extra hugs and attention showered on her. Jordan told me on the way home, "Daddy – Policeman. Jordan – Policeman." He has a heart to be like Dad.
I had supper last night with Shawn’s family. These are the people who knew him the longest, loved him the most, and wanted for him the best.
We all loved him. And I discovered last night that all of that love in one room, when unleashed, can fill a broken heart with an embracing comfort. I felt like I had some of the best pieces of Shawn within my reach, at least for an evening. And it was the first night since his death that I went to sleep at ease with my day. I was not exhausted by sadness rather a bit restored by a day that deserved to be celebrated.
When everyone left I wanted them to come back.
When I woke this morning, I had a foolish wish that maybe his family could move into my house for a week and tell me every story they knew about him. I would ask them to remind me of the things I once knew and have since forgotten and to tell me about the stories I had yet to hear. I would request they share with me memories I want to relive and would beg them to give me all of the details so that it would feel like I was holding a new part of Shawn.
This was my birthday wish. But, it wasn’t my birthday. So, I will leave that wish alone and let Shawn make his own.
We all loved him. I hope he heard us singing last night. I guess I can’t help but to make at least one wish.