I find myself doing things that Shawn would have done like strapping both babies in the carseats whenever we would go somewhere or carrying heavy bags into the house after a day’s worth of errands meeting the dare to bring everything in at once as to not make more than one trip from the car to the house (this was a challenge that Shawn always had to win). I am not just talking about taking over Shawn’s roles in our household. I have observed that some of the things I do in any given day, I do with his manner, his style, his approach – such as filling up the gas tank before it says empty. I find myself copying his behavior through his innovative example of ways to play with our children, his use of clear and communicative language to speak to our kids and his utmost patience with some of the more irritating occurences within a random day.
I realize that I incorporate Shawn ‘s life into my everyday happenings. This is no way near the same as a physical presense. Yet, discovering that his life’s work is not forgotten helps me to understand that in accepting what has happened I am not asked to let go of Shawn and walk away from everything we had together. My life changed for the better when I met him. And I am keeping the better with me. I am not asked to let go of that.