The Real Me

This is the real me.  If I was hiding before, I am not hiding now. 

Shawn observed me not as an exterior-styled spectator, but he internally witnessed the real, factual, authentic-styled me.  He could testify to my existence.   He validated who I was and who I was becoming.  He was engaged and occupied by discovering me, pleading with me, and daring with me to become who I was designed to become. 

He loved every part of me.  Everything I was I entrusted unto him.  “Why do you love me so deeply?” I would inquire.  “Because I never want you to not know love,” he would respond. 

People comment and often marvel at my strength.  Is it strength or resolve?  I tend to view my response to this whole mess as purpose; a determined behavior driven by the intention of persistence to take every morsel of good from this horrific bad.  If I succeed, then maybe it is possible for me to still feel Shawn’s love.  For what is my world without that kind of love; that immense, treasured, unconditional kind of love?

I am absorbed by my new-found goal to find meaning in my loss.  To achieve this objective, I am surrounding myself with the most motivated people I know.  These are the people who know how to live life strongly.  They know how to live life well.  This is how I hope to live.

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