This is the real me. If I was hiding before, I am not hiding now.
Shawn observed me not as an exterior-styled spectator, but he internally witnessed the real, factual, authentic-styled me. He could testify to my existence. He validated who I was and who I was becoming. He was engaged and occupied by discovering me, pleading with me, and daring with me to become who I was designed to become.
He loved every part of me. Everything I was I entrusted unto him. “Why do you love me so deeply?” I would inquire. “Because I never want you to not know love,” he would respond.
People comment and often marvel at my strength. Is it strength or resolve? I tend to view my response to this whole mess as purpose; a determined behavior driven by the intention of persistence to take every morsel of good from this horrific bad. If I succeed, then maybe it is possible for me to still feel Shawn’s love. For what is my world without that kind of love; that immense, treasured, unconditional kind of love?
I am absorbed by my new-found goal to find meaning in my loss. To achieve this objective, I am surrounding myself with the most motivated people I know. These are the people who know how to live life strongly. They know how to live life well. This is how I hope to live.
